For years having a high IQ has been revered as a vital component to long term success in work and academia. Even so, some psychologists argue that emotional intelligence (EQ) can be a better indicator of success throughout life. Whilst intelligence reflects an individuals’ ability to learn and use the information around them, emotional intelligence describes how effectively a person can assess, understand, express, and control their emotions.
In essence it is how socially aware and smart you are. Initially emotional intelligence was perceived as a doubtful concept decades ago but in more recent years it has become significantly more popular, with even social and emotional learning (SEL) programs being available for children, that teaches them skills for emotional intelligence.
Why is EQ important?
EQ has many components to it. It is how you perceive your social environment. How do you look at the relationships of peers and family? How do you respond to someone who is being aggressive? Are you conscious of how your decisions can impact others?
Imagine you’re at work and you bump into a co-worker. Instead of apologizing they suddenly burst out in anger at you. Being in the moment you immediately start shouting back, but is this the best decision in the long run?
EQ is looking back and assessing the situation. Why was my co-worker angry? Could they be stressed out? All these questions can provide a better outcome instead of responding with anger, because that won’t help resolve the issue.
Emotional intelligence 5 components
Self-awareness
Being self-aware requires you to have a strong understanding of the self. In essence self-awareness is the observation of yourself. People high in this trait would recognize their emotions as they’re experiencing them. They would understand the emotions of their peers too. Knowing what their assets and liabilities are and knowing the most appropriate time to express their emotions is.
Self-management
Self-management is the ability to control your emotions. If self- awareness is knowing the most appropriate time to convey emotion, then self-management is having the self-control to restrain it. Being able to regulate and control your emotions is vital in emotional intelligence as it prevents you from acting on impulse and allows you to think before acting.
Social Skills
Daily, you will be required to communicate with someone so having strong social skills is extremely beneficial, even outside of emotional intelligence. It allows you to build a strong relationship with friends or peers and convey your emotions correctly. Having self- awareness and self-management is vital but having strong social skills lets the other person understand how you’re feeling.
Empathy
Being empathetic means you can understand and feel the emotions of the people around you. Because you can see things from someone else’s perspective you have the capacity to feel or grasp why another individual feels the way they do. Moreover, how you interact with people relies on empathy as well. Being able to perceive and feel someone else’s emotions is one thing, but how do you respond to them when you identify how they feel?
Motivation
Having a strong drive is important for emotional intelligence. It means you want to improve every day and are willing to work hard to achieve your personal ambitions. Individuals with high motivation work to a high standard and ensure that their taking opportunities when offered.
Improving your EQ
Emotional Intelligence is clearly important and can be vital for improving your relationships with work colleagues, friends, or family. Whilst it is complex, if you want to develop your social skills or become more introspective here some steps on developing your EQ.
Self-awareness
Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is when you are in the present it means you are focused, engaged with your environment. You can practice this by trying mindfulness meditation or trying mindfulness during other activities.
Question yourself. Whenever you are experiencing an emotion, it can help to sometimes address how or why you can feel this way. Getting to the root of the issue lets you understand exactly why you felt the way you did.
Self-management
Relax. If your someone becomes very emotional and struggles to focus, it might help to find different ways to remain calm. You can try finding an activity like going to the gym which can be cathartic, or you can try deep breathing when you feel agitated. Finding something that helps you stay relaxed instead of getting absorbed into your emotions, lets you stay in control of them.
Journal. Having a diary or journal can provide many benefits. Before acting out, try pausing then write down how you feel. Doing this can help you think before acting. Reading your journal later lets you understand your emotional state more objectively. You gain a better understanding of your tendencies.
Have some alone time. It can always be better to disengage from a situation that makes you feel angry or upset and come back to it. Spending time alone can be all you need to do.
Empathy
Perspective. Putting yourself inside someone else’s shoes lets you see their life as if its your own. It makes you much more insightful and you can grasp their feelings better.
Pay more attention. When talking to a friend or family member try being more engaged in the conversation. You can focus on how they feel about the topic, their non- verbal cues, facial expressions. Being attentive can help you gain a clearer picture on what another person is feeling and thinking during a conversation.
Motivation
Write down goals. Being motivated can be extremely difficult if you don’t have a plan to follow, writing down your plans helps you reach your objectives without being confused or lost.
Exercise and diet. Becoming fit not only helps you feel better, but it requires discipline and consistency. Both can be very difficult to start, but they can be a great way to improve your organisation.
What is my EQ?
Most of us have no idea what our emotional intelligence is. Here’s a few links to tests that will give you a rough idea.
Mindtools. https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/ei-quiz.htm
Institute for Health and Human Potential. https://www.ihhp.com/free-eq-quiz/
Greater Good Magazine. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/ei_quiz
