Suicide is when someone takes their own life intentionally, most of the time it is due to mental health issues. Suicide’s not spoken about much although very common. This is because there are negative views on suicide. The effects of suicide are very damaging on loved ones left behind but also the events leading up to this can be destructive for the person that commits suicide.
Why would someone commit suicide?
The reasons people commit suicide differ with each individual but they are all connected by one thing. Bad mental health, nearly all of the people that commit suicide suffer with bad mental health. In some cases, people turn to suicide when they are diagnosed with a terminal illness. Someone faced with a illness so serious will want to be in control of how they die and turn to suicide. A sign your loved one is suicidal can be self-harming. Self-harm can be very noticeable and difficult to hide as it causes markings on the skin.
The run up to loved ones committing suicide
Once you hear the devastating news that a loved one has committed suicide all sorts pass through your brain. While having to process your loved one’s death you also have the unexpected job of planning their funeral. Your thought process can become mumbled with different feelings. One of the thoughts you will have is, why did they do that? Unless your loved one wrote down why they committed suicide you may never get the answers you are looking for. Some of the reasons can be really emotionally dark and include your loved one feeling as if they are alone in battling with their mental health.
They can also feel as they are being forced to live a life they don’t want to. Daily life can have a huge impact on someone that struggles with their mental health. Your loved one may see suicide as their only way out of their battle and they may not want to live the way they are anymore. Mental health can play nasty tricks on a person’s mind and they can feel as though their loved ones will be better off without them.
In the run up committing suicide your loved ones can feel all types of emotions. They might be scared, or relieved, and struggle with thoughts of ‘letting you down’. Your loved ones tend to write ‘goodbye letters’. This is a type of letter to a loved one stating why they have done this and how they feel. Your loved one will write you a letter. This can be harder emotionally on you as you realise it was a premeditated idea and you feel as though you could have prevented it. Once your loved one has committed suicide you may notice that they could have said goodbye without even noticing at the time.
The impact suicide has on you.
Suicide has the biggest impact on the people that are left behind. Once you find out that your loved one has committed suicide you will feel a rush of all different emotions. You tend to feel guilt because you feel as though you could have helped them, you tend to sit on the ‘what ifs’. Anger will quickly sweep in after that as you lack an understanding on why your loved one has done this.
Sometimes you wont understand why your loved one committed suicide and this can turn to anger as you won’t understand the ‘whys’. You can begin to torcher yourself on the why did they do that? Why didn’t they come to me?. In most cases your questions will never get answers. This can cause you to develop mental health illnesses. You ponder on the fact you should have seen the signs of your loved one being so mentally unwell. Your emotions can start to eat you up.
The emotional stages of dealing with suicide.
All of the emotional impacts to dealing with suicide can become the start of a deep-rooted depression without seeking help. Depression sinks in from unresolved thoughts and feelings you have. You can struggle to move forward with life as you feel it is unfair to do so without your loved one. You still sit on the fact you feel as though you could have saved them and start to feel like a failure. All of these negative thought play a part in your depression and can start anxiety. Lack of communication with others can start to cause anxiety. You deal with your loved one’s suicide alone because you feel as though others will judge you. There are many different views on suicide some are positive and others are negative.
Suicide has an impact on different types of relationship you have. When a loved one commits suicide your relationships with others tend to fall apart. Friendships can begin to break as you feel that people look at you different and in a negative way. You believe everyone blames you for your loved one’s death, only because this is your thoughts.
When in a partnership with someone else you tend to push the blame onto your partner as you feel that someone is to blame for your loved one’s actions. This leads to the breakdown of your relationship. Divorce is very common between a couple if they have lost a child to suicide. Blaming each other causes a lot of friction between partners and that’s how a marriage breaks down. In other types of relationships you can form bonds with others that you wouldn’t have usually.
Suicide also affects children. If a child loses a parent to suicide they are more likely to commit suicide themselves. The feeling of my parent couldn’t stay around even for me leads to uncontrollable depression and can cause a child to follow in their parents’ footsteps.
Religion and suicide
In religion suicide is a sin. People think that suicide is a selfish act. Religious people believe if you sin you will be in everlasting punishment. Religious people tend to hide loved one’s suicide due to this as they don’t want to be bring shame onto their family. Dealing with suicide and being religious can become very lonely as you feel isolated.
In recent years Christianity has only started allowing a religious burials for those that commit suicide. In the years before, you was not allowed a religious service because it was a sin. Suicide was seen as one of the greatest sins of all and Christians felt alone.
In Islam the belief is you are allowed a religious funeral. Muslims believe that even when committing suicide you were still a believer and your actions have not taken you away from your followings of Islam. Although funerals are slightly different for suicide victims as they cannot lead prayer instead you ask for forgiveness from Allah.
If you are struggling with a loved one’s suicide and it is affecting your mental health contact your local GP who can direct you to support.
There are charities that help support both suicidal people and loved ones of those that have committed suicide.