Becoming a victim to gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of abuse. Your abuser physiologically manipulates you into doubting your own mind and this can cause you to doubt your own sanity. This can have a negative impact on your mental health and lead to depression and other mental illnesses.
When an abuser uses this specific type of behaviour towards you they are attempting to control and make you believe that you are the issue in your relationship with them. The first time you become a gaslight victim may come as a shock. You might be confused, but if your abuser is not corrected it will persist. An abuser can take years to show their true identity. By this time you can become stuck in their trap because you know the person they portrayed themselves as beforehand. You will tell yourself all different things to condone their behaviour. If you continue to put up with gaslighting you can then believe everything your abuser says to you, which will be mostly negative things about you. Your abuser will make you reliant on only them and make you feel you are mentally unwell and have memory issues.
As a victim to gaslighting you begin to isolate yourself to everyone around you but your abuser. This can begin to affect your mental health due to not having support from others. Isolating yourself away from others you begin to feel lonely. This alone can create mental health issues
Signs of gaslighting
There are different signs when trying to spot an abuser gaslighting you:
- Your abuser refusing to listen to you. If you try to express how you are feeling to your abuser they tend to not listen to what you are saying. You will notice they shut down when you talk or talk over you.
- Your abuser lying to you. Being lied to in order for your abuser to manipulate you.
- Your abuser claiming situations didn’t happen as you remember them. While your abuser continues to manipulate you they will begin to claim that situations the way you remember them didn’t happen at all or they didn’t happen as you remembered.
- Your abuser in denial for their actions. If you speak to your abuser about things that you dislike in their behaviour they will then begin to tell you that it didn’t happen or that you are over exaggerating. This makes you start to question the reality of situations.
- Your abuser will divert the topic around others. When topics arise and they feel as though they may seen for what they are they will swiftly change the conversation so no one knows what your abuser is really like. They want to portray themselves as almost perfect so you look like the bad guy.
The impacts gaslighting has on you
Eventually gaslighting will have an effect on you. After gaslighting happens for a long period of time you begin to lose a sense of yourself. The changes in you may be hard for you to notice straight away, but others will. You begin to feel as though you are going crazy. You become worn down by your relationship, being stuck in this relationship begins to feel like a chore. Changes begin in your personality begin to show, you begin to worry about saying things that will upset your abuser. Your emotions begin to be less important and all you worry about is upsetting your abuser. With all the self-questioning you start to second guess yourself and feel as though you cannot trust your own actions or emotions. You begin to question your sanity.
Although all of these negative emotions and thoughts are all happening you are still scared to leave your relationship. You feel as though your reality is with your abuser as you cannot live without them because they help you see things that you don’t see. Your abuser has made you believe you are mentally unwell. The constant worry to say things that may upset your abuser turns into you not having a voice. You then begin to develop a bad mental health.
The effects it has on your mental health
Living your life as a victim of gaslighting your mental health will eventually suffer. Depression and anxiety will sweep in and keep you in a vicious cycle. Feeling depressed will cause you to stay in the relationship with your abuser as you feel you need them around to help you while you suffer. The same happens with anxiety. While your anxiety levels continue to rise you become more reliant on your abuser. Your abuser has worn you down and continues to do so while your mental health continues to deteriorate. Without seeking help your mental health will then spiral out of control and you may become suicidal or have suicidal thoughts.
Questioning your sanity or even becoming overly reliant on your abuser will keep you stuck in a cycle of “I can’t leave” or “I need them with me.” This keeps your mental health at its all-time low and seeing no way out will cause the suicidal thoughts to then become actions.
Signs loved ones will see.
Others will begin to notice you are acting different but not know why. If a loved one is concerned about you but don’t understand why you have changed they may ask you. Its best to be honest with your loved one and get help.
- Constantly apologising. Loved ones will notice you say sorry for a lot of things, most of the time your sorry isn’t needed.
- Doubting your memory. You would start second guessing if things happened the way you remember and questioning if you are correct.
- Lack of self-confidence. A once blooming very confident person starts to show signs of their confidence deteriorating
- Self-blame. Loved ones will notice you begin to blame yourself for everything that isn’t going right.
- Highly sensitive. You become very emotionally over things that you wouldn’t have done before
- Overreacting. This is shown as outbursts of emotions to things you wouldn’t be so passionate about.
- High anxiety levels or signs of depression. Loved ones will notice you become extremely nervous or extremely sad over things you wouldn’t be phased by.
You may begin to not trust yourself with big tasks or decisions without your abuser’s input. You begin to suffer from physiological trauma, this can impact the rest of your life.
Seeking help
Anyone can start to gaslight somebody else. Friends, family or even a romantic partner. If you think you or someone else is suffering from gaslighting then please do reach out to them.
Support from friends and family can show you are not alone. they can support you when leaving your abuser. If your mental health has been impacted please contact your local GP who will be able to help you or guide you into finding support.