What is self-harming?
Self-harming is when an individual causes harm to themselves on purpose to relieve feeling of distress. Individuals sometimes self-harm when they feel like life is too hard to cope with at that moment. Those who self-harm, will most likely be dealing with lots of harsh, dark thoughts and feelings and by hurting themselves it feels like the only way they can get all the pain and suffering out. On the other hand, they sometimes self-harm to try and feel something, individuals who self-harm may feel like they are numb they cannot feel anything so by cutting they can finally feel something. Self-harm is a way to show the feelings an individual has inside on the outside. The feeling that it causes people to feel are:
- Discomfort and pain
- Physical marks
- Feeling of being dizzy and sick
- Scarring of the body
- Feeling weakness, shame, or disgust
- Confusion of why they are doing it
What types of self-harming?
There are many different types of ways people self-harm. Some people only use just one technique, others may use a variety of ways. All self-harming is bad and has a bad effect on the individual however they may not notice it themselves. Here is a list of ways people harm themselves:
Cutting and burning of the skin- Cutting is one of the main ways people will self-harm. Individuals may use a knife, pair of scissors, a blade, usually anything sharp that they can hide away. With this they will pierce deep into this skin causing blood to draw. Normally it is on their arms. However, individuals may use parts of their body which are not very visible to see. Such as their higher thighs, stomachs, back and sides. Cutting is very dangerous, if they cut too deep or hit a vein individuals will lose a lot of blood which may be difficult to stop. When it comes to the burning, they will most likely use cigarettes. They will put them out on their skin causing burn marks. Sometimes they will use a hot kettle, lighter or hot stoves.
Physically hitting themself- This way of self-harming may not seem that bad however over time it can get worse. It may start out as a scratch or pinching to draw blood. After a while it can lead to more harsher ways such as: Punching themselves to the point they have internal and external bruising. To them using utensils and objects to cause the pain e.g., slamming their arm in a door, using a hammer to hit themselves. Which can cause breakage of the bone.
Deliberately starving themselves- Another way people self-harm is by forcing themselves not to eat. This way can cause a lot of physical problems as not eating can cause anorexia.
Signs .
Individuals often try to keep self-harm a secret due to embarrassment or fear of it being seen. Sometimes they cover up their skin so no visible marks can be detected. If you know anyone or think someone is self-harming you should approach the subject with care and understanding. It may be difficult spotting the signs of someone self-harming but below is a list of ways to try and notice it:
- Cut, bruises and cigarette marks which are unexplained. Mostly located on wrists, thighs, arms, and chest.
- Pulling out their own hair
- Wearing clothes too big that cover most/all skin. Especially on a hot day.
- Random weight gain and loss
- Signs of depression
- Drug and alcohol misuse
- Lack of motivation
- Comments on wanting to end their lives.
How self-harming affects family and friends.
When a parent sees marks on their child’s skin, they become filled with every emotion possible. They sometimes cry, go silent, they even sometimes lash out. This is due to the emotions they are feeling, such as – anxiety, fear, anger, disbelief, and confusion not knowing what to do. When parents notice that their child is self-harming it can cause a big impact on their own physical and mental wellbeing. It can cause parents to become depressed and anxious. Among other described physical symptoms, such as chest pain, weight loss and mental/physical exhaustion. They might even start blaming themselves for their child causing harm to their bodies. Sometimes it can cause problems between parent and child as the parents feel like they can no longer trust their child for not telling them they needed help.
When it comes to siblings, they may start to feel responsible for their brother/sister harming themselves. They may become distant with them because they do not want to cause their sibling any irritation. Which may lead to them self-harming more. However, it can vary, some siblings may become upset or angry while others are supportive, this is due to the fact that they feel like they are being left out.
If the sibling is younger, they may not understand that it is wrong and sometimes they might try and copy their older sibling especially if they look up to them. However, with older siblings they may have a different approach some may be supporting and will help them through it, particularly if they did it themselves in the past. They may also feel embarrassed, friends of theirs may stop going round the house because they do not want them to know their sibling self-harms. (Not always done maliciously)
Another relationship it can affect is romantic relationships. Self-harming can cause strain in relationships which can be difficult for their partner to cope with. They may also be upset or angry that their partner never informed them that they are suffering with how they feel. Making them feel like they have not done enough to keep them happy. This causes arguments and stress to be brought into the relationship which does not help either one of their current situations.
How to help
If someone you know self-harms, try to stay calm. You do not want to upset them because it can make the situation worse. Sit them down and let them talk, eventually they might explain why they do it and how long they have been doing it. If this happens, suggest ways to help. Contact their GP and get advice from them, you can also make an appointment for them if they are embarrassed. Make sure they know you are doing it first, so they do not feel disrespected.
Here is a list of number you can call if you have self-harmed or feel tempted to:
0808 800 8088 – BCSW (Bristol Crisis Service for Women)
116123 – The Samaritans
0300 123 3393 – Mind
