Being a sex addict is not just enjoying sex it is a compulsive need to practice sexual acts and thinking of sex all the time. Sex addiction can happen to anyone from a teen onwards. You don’t have to look a specific way and gender doesn’t play a role. Sex addicts are victims of previous sexual abuse. Victims often turn into sex addicts as it becomes a comfort blanket for them because they now feel in control. Help is available for sex addicts going to your local GP, Addicts Anonymous meetings and going through cognitive behavioural therapy are all ways to seek help. Around 6 percent of the population has a sex addiction, so it is uncommon.
Here I am going to talk about sex addiction from two different aspects, the addicts and then their partners.
From the addict’s perspective.
Sex addiction can make an addict feel as though others see them as dirty or weird, they are looked at differently as others assume that all sex addicts have multiple partners and do unnatural sexual acts. Many addicts feel guilty after having sex. Feeling as though they have given in to their addiction but in the moment. It feels as if they are getting their fix and it is needed. Most sex addicts feel as though they are not in control of their lives and the addiction is. Simply because the addiction takes over majority of their thoughts in all situations.
An individual without a sex addiction thinks about sex when they are sexually aroused. However, an addict will think about sex no matter where they are or who they are around. “It’s only sex” and “I can stop having sex any time I want to” are two key sentences that a sex addict are in denial of their addiction and may need help. When thinking about getting help for their addiction, a sex addict can feel as though they will become an empty shell of a person if they get the help. Becoming lost as they don’t know who they are without their addiction. The addiction controls their mind.
The effects of sex addiction.
A sex addict must deal with many things that have a negative impact to them. One of these include financial issues, a sex addict will suffer financially as they overspend on sex toys and go to prostitutes to help with their needs. An addict will overly use sex toys, and these will need replacing more often than toys for someone without the addiction. Sex toys have an expiry date and have wear and tear damage.
Masturbation is another way sex addicts pleasure themselves. Overly masturbating can cause your penis to become less sensitive to touch and can begin to affect orgasms. For women overly masturbating can cause damage to the skin in the vagina and a sore clitoris. In some cases, people with sex a sex addiction do have multiple partners. This can increase the risks of spreading STI’s, these are serious sexual infections and can even impact your fertility. The emotional impacts are being depressed and having anxiety.
The impact sexual addiction in relationships.
All relationships can be affected by sexual addiction. Friendships and family can be impacted because you feel the need to be dishonest about who you are and live two separate lives. Your sex life and the life you lead without sex involved. Having two lifestyles will influence your mental health, as it starts to deteriorate you can begin to suffer from depression. You may struggle to make new friends as you are uncomfortable with telling them about your addiction in fear of them having a negative perspective of you this then creates anxiety.
Your family may find it difficult to understand your sexual addiction especially older generations. They may feel that you ‘sleeping around’ and to promiscuous. Work can be affected as well due to colleagues attempting to mock your addiction or becoming flirty. managers can also think differently of you if you have a sex addiction, they can think you are uncapable of doing your job or only hire you for your addiction. You can begin to feel lonely.
Having a partner and being a sex addict.
Maintaining a long-term relationship with someone when you have a sex addiction can be extremely difficult. As a sex addict you are a little more experimental compared to those that are not. When you express your ideas to your partner it may freak them out and affect your relationship. Another reason you may find it hard to be in a relationship is due to the lack of intimacy when having sex with them. When having sex for pleasure with your partner you feel connected to them. However, when you have sex for your addiction that feeling of being connected to your partner is not there. Partners may not be up to the challenge of being with someone who has a sex addiction as their minds over work and starts to play with their mental health.
The partner’s perspective.
Most partners to a sex addict don’t know what it entails when first entering the relationship. At first you may think it’ll be amazing to have repeated sex, having the best sex of your life with a sex addict. But that can quickly change sex can become a chore as you can’t keep up with your sex addict partner. Your mental health can deteriorate quickly, and all your relationships can become affected.
The mental impact of having a sex addict partner.
You can quickly become depressed when you have a sex addict as your partner. Many factors can play apart in the reasons you can be depressed. One factor is not being able to keep up. When your partner wants sex all the time and you cannot keep up you become depressed thinking you are not good enough and that you are unable to satisfy your partner. Once the relationship progresses and the excitement goes you may want different things compared to how things went before. Instead of having sex all the time you may want to enjoy your time doing other stuff, but your sex addict partner still wants the same thing. This can cause arguments due to now understanding each other.
As the partner of a sexual addict, you may feel as though you cannot communicate your thoughts to your partner due to their addiction. You thought you would be able to deal with the addiction but didn’t understand that it was like all the other addictions and your partner still needs their ‘fix.’
Your mental health with a sex addict
Depression can creep up on you when you start to overthink everything you do as your relationship with a sex addict progresses. You begin to feel worn out with how much sex you have and sometimes cannot keep up. Your self-worth takes a hit as you feel less and less sexy. When you love your partner, you express this love through acts of sexual pleasure but when you have a sex addict as a partner pleasuring your partner becomes a chore. You begin to feel used just for sex, the more you feel like this and don’t communicate on how you feel you begin to hide away.
Asking for overtime at work or finding any way to delay you going home to your partner can cause your mind to go into overdrive. You begin to think your partner is cheating on you because they need to have sex and they are not getting it from you. This is where paranoia comes out to play. Being paranoid can start you feeling pressured ‘spice things up’ so your partner doesn’t get bored of you. As you know sex addicts are very experimental in an attempt to keep up with your partner experiments you can also begin to feel as though you are putting yourself in danger.
The effects it can have on relationships.
Friendships and family relationships can suffer when you have sex addicted partner. Both your family and friends will look out for you and due to prejudice opinions arguments can arise. They can believe your partner will cheat on you, is using you and take your partners actions in a wrong manner. You automatically become defensive for your partner and conflict can start due to this.
