What is sexual abuse?
In a relationship sexual abuse is a act where a individual has not given consent. Often perpetrated by using force against their partner. This is also seen as being taken for granted. The NHS (2021) explaines that assault involving penetration of the vagina, anus and oral area is adknowledged as rape. Rape is sexual violence, a form of sexual abuse. This can happen anywhere; it can happen in person or online, regardless of their age and gender, however It tends to happen in a lot of relationships.
What’s the definition of sexual abuse in a relationship?
In an adult relationship sexual abuse is also intimate partner sexual violence. Meaning that when sexual activities such as’ sex, oral, kissing, touching of private areas’ is by force. They will also manipulate their partners to accept things they have done against them such as blackmail, threats and sulking. When it comes to sexual abuse in adult relationships its refers to “ a pattern of behaviours used to manipulate, control or influence an intimate partner sexually to have power over that person. It may or may not involve physical abuse or other types of abuse.”(OASH 2018)
Signs of sexual abuse in relationship.
Different certain behaviors and actions will constitute sexual abuse in a relationship.according to (OASH 2018). When it comes to a serious relationship, it can be difficult to know whether you are being sexually abused. This is because partners reassure you that they love you, buy you gifts and help you out financially. Many people that have experienced sexual abuse do not realize the sexual abuse. People don’t realize it until they see the signs. Here is a list of warning signs and examples of sexual abuse in a relationships. If you recognize any of them listed it may mean you have been a victim of sexual abuse.
Forcing partners to have sex or intimate activities –
- Forcing partners to have sex when they have already told them no so they use physical force
- Assuming that because it is their partner they do not have to ask for consent to do any sexual activities ( Touching their partners while they are asleep)
Using shame, fear, manipulation, guilt, and threats to get their partners to have sex –
- They will try and often manipulate the facts regarding their partners sex life to change thier thoughts. Consequently they can then covertly or overtly intimidate their partner A short example for this would be that they may say little phrases to guilt trip their partner into fulfilling their sexual needs by saying things like “If you don’t sleep with me tonight, I’ll go find someone else to have sex with.
- Using sex as a punishment to try and scare them into ‘listening/behaving’ for them in the future.
Ignoring their partners feeling during intercourse –
- Seeing sex as one sided, they will not stop regardless how their partner is feeling. If their partner is crying or in pain they will not stop because they have not been fully satisfied.
- Not letting their partner have a say in what they choose to do in the bedroom, or letting them say no to an idea that they have suggested to their partner.
Verbally hurts you in sexual ways or calls you degrading names –
- In relationdships an individual could be angry at their partner for not sleeping with them they will call them names that they know will offend them. Most of the time these insults are degrading.
- They will also tend to point out parts of their partner’s body such as their breast, legs, bum, private areas and insult them in ways to make them feel like they are not good enough.
How does sexual abuse affect future relationships?
When it comes to sexual abuse, it can have a big impact on romantic/sexual relationships they have in the future. It can also sometimes stop them from wanting another relationship Once being in a sexually abusive it affects the individual as a whole, they may experience:
- Distrust– They will find it hard to trust what people say to them, regardless of who it is. They will also find it difficult believing that their next partner won’t do the same as their past partner did.
- Shame/guilt- Many people who have experienced sexual abuse especially in a relationship tend to start feeling shameful and guilty for what has happened to them, they will sometimes start blaming themselves for what has happened to them. (People need to remember that it is never their fault and they should never feel like they are to blame) Sometimes they wonder how people are looking at them, thinking others around are judging them especially when it comes to starting a new relationship.
- Problems with intimacy- For some people intimacy can bring back memories or feelings of individuals’ early abuse, as it can be hard to let go. They feel like anyone who they allow to get close to them might end up being an abuser. Due to this they often don’t like being touched or intimate, which causes issues in new relationships.
Support you can receive.
Support is a very important thing people need especially when it comes to sexual abuse, but not everyone knows where to get it from or where to start. Talking to a close family member or friend is a good way to start, however not everyone is comfortable with doing that. If people do not think that they can talk to someone they are close to there are many places where people can call and get support from specialists, they will provide advice and counselling sessions if needed. Here are a list of places people can get help:
- Your GP ( Doctor or nurse)
- The police on 101 if a none emergency
- 999 if an emergency
- Woman’s aid
- Male survivors Partnership
- The Rape Crisis national freephone helpline
- Victim support