Having mental illness can already be difficult but if you add children into the mix, it can make it feel more difficult to handle. I have read a lot in the news about how parents take their own life because they had a bad mental illness and couldn’t handle their life-style. They could seem happy by putting on a smile maybe to show their children they are ok and not make them worry.
Types of mental illness as a parent
There are many types of mental illness seen in parents however, I wish to talk about the common types seen in parents. Here are a list of mental illness:
- Anxiety disorders
- Depression
- Eating disorders
- Personality disorders
- Psychotic disorders
- Post traumatic stress disorder
- Addiction and substance abuse
The causes of mental illness in parents
Most likely you already had the mental illness before having children or becoming a mother/father. However, there are also reasons why you may develop mental illness during your years of parenthood. Knowing the causes can also help you feel a lot better when getting to know your newly diagnosed mental illness.
- Past trauma (physical or mental abuse, sexual abuse, seen traumatic experience, sickness, etc.)
- Domestic abuse
- Loneliness
- Stressful event (losing a loved one, being in a car accident, etc.)
- Family history of mental illness
- Unhealthy habits (not getting enough sleep, not eating, etc.)
- Genetics
- Drugs and alcohol
Considerations before becoming a parent
Becoming a parent is an exciting thing and a lot of couples may want to start one together. However, it is important to go through the considerations together especially if one or both of you suffer with mental illness.
If you are thinking of starting a family you could have a sit down and discuss ways to get help or your capabilities to help. There are ways to do this such as speaking to professionals such as going to councillors. Going to councillors together can help you to speak to someone about your worries and concerns and get information on how you can get help and list things for you to think about.
Other things to consider are also how you will feel during this time. Parenthood is hard, can you both support each other during this time? Can you both help each other out? Take it in turns when it’s needed? It’s important to ask yourselves questions like this and find ways to make it easier for each other during the time since you both are making this important decision! It’s a life changing decision too so you can’t rush through it.
Support you can get
Getting support before even deciding is important, this helps you to know if you have that support bubble during the years you take care of your child. Having support can make it easier to deal with your mental illness and parenthood at the same time.
You could make sure you have family who are on board with your decision: Mom, dad, grandparents, sisters, brothers etc. make sure they know what you are deciding and ask them if they have any concerns first, then talk with them about if they would be there to help if needed.
You should also support each other as a couple, support each other by taking it in turns, being the shoulder to cry on, allow each other the space they may need. Having a baby is hard, it gets harder as they grow up but also easier. Having each other and knowing you can rely on one another is an important factor and also helps you with your bond between each other and you and the child.
It’s important to make sure you have a GP to talk to about your mental health and also go to parenting classes during the time of pregnancy – go together as a couple though! Show you can handle what’s to come by being there to support each other now. Also think about having councillors and therapies to talk to. There are also online websites you can look into talking to people and researching other peoples experiences to help your mind feel at ease.
Reducing the risks of developing a mental illness
- Having a healthy diet
- Be mindful and aware of your thoughts and feelings. Don’t let it cloud your judgement.
- Get regular exercise
- Get enough sleep
- Connect with other people either online or socialise outside – go out with friends or family.
- Learn new skills or find new hobbies
- Find ways to reduce your stress
- Try to limit your alcohol consumption
- Avoid taking drugs
- Talk to your GP
- Do things you enjoy as often as you can
- Know you have the support if you need it whether it’s from family or your GP
You may not have a mental illness but having a child can be stressful and there are ways to reduce your risks of developing mental illness.
Online support helplines
Sane Line
Specialist emotional support and information to anyone affected by mental illness.
Telephone: 0300 304 7000. Open 4.30pm-10.30pm, 7 days a week.
Website: www.sane.org.uk
Samaritans
Confidential support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress, despair, or suicidal thoughts.
Telephone: 116 123. Open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
Website: www.samaritans.org
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
Emotional support specifically for men. The helplines and webchat are open every day from 5pm until midnight.
Website: www.thecalmzone.net
Silverline
Aimed at people over 55. The Silver Line operates the only confidential, free helpline for older people across the UK that’s open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.
Telephone: 0800 470 80 90. Open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
Website: www.thesilverline.org.uk
SupportLine
Confidential emotional support for children, young adults, and adults.
Telephone: 01708 765200 (hours vary so ring for details)
Website: www.supportline.org.uk