Men want to be as masculine as possible and won’t show any emotional weakness. They are taught to show minimal emotions. Mental health illnesses can develop as they are side effects of hiding your emotions. It can impact day to day life.
How do boys turn into emotionless men?
You were most likely told by the generations before you that showing emotions was girly. You weren’t a man if you showed them. Our parents and grandparents told us as young boys “Stop crying you’re a big boy” “men are not supposed to cry” and “stop acting like a girl.” Saying these sentences to a young boy delays their emotional development. Behavioral problems, difficulty expressing their thoughts along with emotional and speech issues are all effects of hiding your emotions as a young child.
In an attempt to look as manly as possible they start to act out of character acting as a ‘class clown.’ Boys will seek out friendship in others that look manly, in order to gain dominance fights may break out.
How do men hide their emotions?
Learning to hide emotions from being a boy, men have almost mastered the skill. You can struggle to notice if a man is suffering with his emotions however noticing the signs you will be able to help him quicker.
Signs include:
- Hiding their emotions in other things. Men attempting to hide their feelings will do the things they enjoy excessively. Gaming or spending a huge amount of time in the gym are typical ways that you will see a man hiding how he is feeling. Men believe that overworking in the gym and looking stronger will make them seem emotionally strong.
- Excessive spending. As whole men only spend money when they need to or on things they really enjoy. You may notice a man spending loads of money on the stuff he doesn’t really need or hardly use. Men do this in an attempt to make themselves feel better.
- Becoming lazy. Not doing the things they enjoy or used to do shows he is losing interest in the things he normally likes.
- Lack of hygiene. A decrease in personal care a sign a man is struggling emotionally, men take pride in how they look. Stopping things like a simple shave or getting a trim are key ways to spot if they need emotional support.
- Decreased libido. Men naturally have a higher sex drive when their emotions are not stable, they no longer want to have sex.
- Cursing and telling adult jokes. Overuse of curse words and adult jokes is a way men assert their masculinity. This is because cursing and adult jokes are classed as being manly.
Why do men hide their emotions?
You are called weaker if you show your emotions. We look up to our parents as our role model and copy what they do. When you see your role model hiding how they are feeling you tend to start doing it in your adult life. Thinking that is how your meant to act. In male social groups there is unspoken rule that it is forbidden to talk about emotions. Men think speaking about their emotions with others they will perceive them as incapable or weak. In certain cases, men will withhold their emotions to be the strong one for their household. You are taught to be ‘the man of the house’. This role means you will have to withhold your emotions to be the emotional rock for others.
In some cases, men will hide their emotions as they suffer from mental health illness. Postnatal depression is illness men are keen to hide. You wouldn’t know men deal with this as it isn’t known to the majority of people that they can suffer from this. It is only spoken that women have this issue. Men want to be seen as they are as masculine as possible so when they suffer in ways like this they tend to hide it.
The side effects of men not showing emotions.
Men understand the side effects of not dealing with their emotions to a certain extent but don’t understand the risks. Hiding how you are really feeling can cause you to have little support from others. When in relationships both parts can end up cheating on each other. Men find comfort in someone that can see they are struggling. Women get comfort from men as they are being shown affection their partner cannot show them.
Bottling up emotions comes with a lot of negative side effects. Depression and other mental illness can sneak in as you don’t deal with your negative emotions.
Side effects of not showing emotions:
- Emotionally withdrawn. Not dealing with your negative emotions will end up with you not showing any emotion good or bad. This is the start of becoming emotionally numb.
- Strong outbursts of emotions. You can become emotionally withdrawn, on the other side you can overly express emotions. As emotions comes in waves, when you are not intact with your emotions these waves can be so strong. They push you too far to act or do things you wouldn’t normally do.
- Substance abuse. Things like drugs and alcohol can become a man’s comfort blanket when bottling up emotions. Addiction can start as they turn reliant on these substances.
- Erectile dysfunction. Men struggling with emotions and not seeking help can cause their bodies to not work with them and can suffer with maintaining an erection.
- Suicidal. Not feeling as though you can express how you are feeling can cause suicidal thoughts and acts as men don’t see a way to deal with their emotions and feel as though there isn’t a way out. The suicide rate for men is extremely high.
Is the pressure to hide their emotions lifting?
Times are now changing as there is less of a stereotype on gender roles. In recent years new ways of parenting have come into place teaching boys that showing emotions is perfectly normal. This is because parents don’t want their children to suffer with mental illnesses they have. Men’s mental health is improving overall as they are starting to exercise more and keeping healthy due to an increase in popularity in practicing self-care. As times are changing men are starting to understand that you can still look after your mental health and be manly. Men will now openly go to their local GP and talk openly. Only now men are growing to see the benefits of counselling and cognitive behavioral therapy. As people see the effects of suicide they reach out to others and are more supportive. Men’s mental health is becoming normal to talk about it.