What is Narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. It is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance. It causes them to also have a deep need for excessive attention and admiration. People who have narcissistic personality disorder tend to have troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. However if you know some who have this disorder, if you look behind their mask they tend to be a fragile person who’s self-esteem is vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
A narcissistic personality disorder can cause many problems in a lot of areas of life. Areas such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder can sometimes be generally disappointed and upset when they do not receive special favours or admiration they believe they deserve. When it comes to them having relationships they may find their relationships unfulfilling. People who tend to be friends with those who are narcissists tend to not enjoy being around them.
Signs you have a narcissistic parent
Having a narcissistic parent can cause quite a bit of psychological damage when it comes to their own children. Boundaries can sometimes be a problem for them. A narcissistic parent uses a lot of manipulation to get their children to listen and do what they want. As well as getting their child to believe certain things, such as making them believe a certain family member is a bad person when they actually are not. Their needs tend to be the primary needs of the whole family. It is like they believe the whole world revolves around them and nothing else matters apart from what they want . If you feel like you have a narcissistic parent or want to learn more, continue reading.
When it comes to meeting a narcissistic parent’s needs their children learn how much they reflect the ‘perfect’ image. This is the image their parents want them to portray. It is important that they comply without complaints as well as fulfilling their parents wishes without fail. With a narcissistic parent, if they do not feel like their child has fulfilled their needs they tend to punish their children. These punishments mostly require emotional punishments such as the neglect, withdrawal and the lack of parental affection. However once they feel like their child has had enough of their punishment they will use a manipulation tactic. This manipulation is to get them to feel like it was their fault they were punished and that they only punished them to show them that they love them.
Children who have narcissistic parents learn how to put their own needs to the side to make sure their parents are their main priority. To restore the connection with their narcissistic parent, the children cope with unrelenting demands. The demands they want vary, sometimes they want their child to be talented, attractive, and charismatic. It is very important that they fulfil these demands for their parent. However the children sometimes learn to be invisible so as not to draw the narcissistic parent’s wrath to them.
Here is a list of signs that you might have a narcissist for a parent:
- Constantly needing the conversation to be about them – It doesn’t matter what the conversation is about, they will try to make it about them. They will tell their stories and try to relate it to the subject that it is being spoken about. Regardless of what it is about, they need to be the centre of attention.
- Bragging about your achievements to others, but rarely acknowledging you or supporting you. – For example if you enter into a dance competition and win they will tell everybody they know that you won. They sometimes might make it out to others that it is because of them that you won and you got your talent from them. However when it comes to you asking for support before the competition they did not care. They ignore you and even sometimes put you down telling you that you are not as good as they are.
- Blaming others for any problems you may have even though it comes from their own behaviour – Having a narcissistic parent can cause you to have mental health issues ( which will be explained down below) However they will not admit that their actions could have caused it for you. They will tend to blame others around you such as your other parent, friends or other family members.
- Being well respected and looked up to by others, however controlling and harsh when no one is around. – When you have friends over they will make themselves out to be a ‘God like’ parent with no flaws. They are overly friendly and sweet, however when it is just you and them they show their true colours. They will call you mean names, shout at you, and even sometimes talk bad about your friend you just had round.
- Harshly opinionated at home but putting up a front for others – For example if you come out as gay or bisexual to your narcissistic parent they wil try and tell you that it is wrong. They may even start treating you differently. But when it comes to being in public and someone else tells them the same thing you did, they will act all supportive and accepting. Even though they treated you in a completely different way.
There are many different signs that you have a narcissistic parent but these are the main ones that tend to happen .
How having a narcissistic parent affects your mental health
Having a narcissistic parent raise you can take a severe toll on your mental wellbeing. In public, your parent is viewed as perfect and loving. However behind closed doors, they scream, and criticise you and everyone else. The parent will take control of your life, be possessive, and view you as an extension of themselves.
Here are four common traits that can cause you to have mental health issues
1. Indecision
If you have a narcissistic parent you may fear that they will hurt someone else by choosing to do what’s right for them. You teach yourself to consider your parent’s needs first and foremost, and it is therefore sometimes hard for you to consider your own needs without feeling selfish for doing so. This can cause you to develop depression.
2. Internalised Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where your narcissistic parent will try to sow seeds of doubt in your mind. This will make you question your own memory, perception, or judgement. For example a narcissistic parent will use gaslighting when they deny some experience from the past. They will invalidate your feelings of the event.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent may leave you feeling that you have very little to offer. Your talents and skills may have been downplayed, ignored, or co-opted by your narcissistic parent, this is due to them feeling threatened by your skills. This can cause you to have a rise to imposter syndrome. (Imposter syndrome is when you start doubting your abilities and even sometimes feel like a fraud. It usually affects high-achieving people. You may find it difficult to accept accomplishments. Causing you to question whether you deserve recognition by others)
3. Chronic Self-Blame
Whether or not your parent is openly abusive to you, they are usually emotionally unavailable or too preoccupied with themselves. Their own concerns are too important to hear the pain you are in. In order to try to maintain the family unit, you might ignore all the wrong they are doing and take all the blame on yourself.
This can continue into your adulthood. It causes you to continue to take the blame for things that aren’t always your fault. You tend to start saying sorry a lot even though it is not your fault.
4. You are always on edge.
Your narcissistic parent’s behaviour is always unpredictable. You are unsure what will please your parent, this causes feelings of being on edge. You will feel responsible for your parent’s happiness, as well as learning that your parents’ kindness comes with conditions leaving you feeling beholden to the parent. This will also follow you into your adulthood causing it to be difficult becoming a parent to your own children.
