What is hero syndrome?
Hero syndrome is a term that people call the behavior of the people who seek heroism or recognition. This behavior can involve creating harmful situations to people or objects which they then can resolve. This could involve unlawful acts such as arson. It is also a need to feel needed, valued or appreciated. It often disguises itself as a good thing but it can make you bitter. The need you feel will be met when you say yes or over promise what you can offer to people in order to be liked. You feel you need to help people or offer your help in order to please people and make you feel as though they need you.
How to know if you have hero syndrome
Do you feel you get great satisfaction when you realise you’re the one people call when they need help? Are you the one that is always there to help people when they have a problem and you love the feeling it gives you? If you feel you get great satisfaction out of being the only person that can solve a particular problem, you may have hero syndrome. You’re the one that will drop everything to help but for your own satisfaction.
It is normal to feel satisfaction or recognition from helping people and resolving problems. Although if you’re doing everything you can to make sure you’re the one people call or even causing problems. Problems that you can fix just to get the feeling of being a ‘hero’. This can be a sign of hero syndrome. You crave attention and recognition, you want to be the hero that everyone sees and acknowledges.
Signs of hero syndrome
- Going out of your way to help others
- Doing things you don’t like doing just to feel recognition
- Feeling pleasure out of being the one people call for help
- Craving recognition
- Going to work early and working late to please your boss
- Creating situations on purpose just so you can solve them
- Need to feel valued
What to do if you feel you have hero syndrome
First of all you need to learn to say no and mean it. It may sound easy enough but it takes a lot of discipline to learn to put yourself first. Even if putting yourself first means disappointing others. You can start off by practising small first like saying no to things you hate doing. Even if no one else will do it you need to stick your ground and follow through. You will start to see that saying no isn’t the end of the world and people won’t hate you for it.
Then you can slowly build up to saying no to things that make you fear the consequences when you say no. Don’t like going to your in-laws every weekend for dinner, but are scared to say no? This is because you fear that saying no will hurt their feelings or make them upset. You have a right to say no, you don’t have to mean it in a bad way but sometimes you don’t have to do things you don’t want to do. When you realise that the world still goes on even after saying no to these things you will feel the freedom.
The key to resolving hero syndrome is understanding the source which is needed. Hero syndrome is driven by the feeling of needing approval and feeling needed and valued. Being asked for help or being needed makes the need feel met. Although thi feeling is only short lived. This is why it is an addictive cycle, once the feeling wears off you need it again. So, you keep saying yes in order to make your needs met.
You need to learn how to get the needs met but in a healthier way. If someone needs your help try helping in a different way. Instead of doing what needs doing by yourself, ask them to help you. This way you’re not doing it all by yourself and all the attention and approval isn’t all on you. Try giving them advice on how they can do it themselves. This way you’re still helping but not physically.
How to help others with hero syndrome
If you think someone you know has hero syndrome, you could help them. Is someone you work with? Do they do overtime and work late just to get praised by the boss? You could have a talk with your boss and let them know that this person is showing signs of hero syndrome. By letting the boss know they can then choose to help this person. By helping they could stop allowing them to come in early. This will help their hero syndrome as they will not be able to come in early and seek out praise and attention.
Also, you could help those with hero syndrome by understanding what hero syndrome is. If you feel someone has hero syndrome you could help by not asking them for their help so often. People with hero syndrome can’t say no so by not asking them you’re helping them. Of course, you could still ask them for help when needed but don’t take advantage of them. if you can just ask for help with little things. When you acknowledge them doing something to help don’t go overboard with the praises as this is what they thrive on. It’s nice to show your appreciation but those with hero syndrome will seek it the more you give it to them.
People with hero syndrome will end up burning themselves out when they spend so much energy helping others and not doing everything for themselves. Try helping them by introducing a new hobby for them that will help distract them. Encourage them to start doing something that will give them pleasure and joy instead. If you feel they need therapy, try and talk them into seeing someone that will help them. A therapist can help them understand and overcome their hero syndrome.
