What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse can also be called domestic violence. This can be emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse. It can happen to anyone and the abuser could be your partner or a member of your family.
Signs of domestic abuse
It’s important to spot the signs of abuse of someone around you if you suspect they may be in an abusive relationship. Spotting the signs can help you to support them and help them to escape.
Here are some of the signs to look for:
- Changes in their behaviour around you or others. They may be acting differently than they usually act. Maybe extremely anxious or flinchy.
- Visible cuts and bruises. We all have accidents which can result in cuts and bruises on our body. However, if you spot someone who is constantly with new bruises but no explanation this could be a sign of domestic violence.
- Changes in their eating. You may find that they change what they eat or how much they eat. This is a sign of emotional abuse, they could be eating less because they may believe the words of the abuser. They could be saying things like ‘you are fat’ or ‘you need to eat less’ and this can also lead to eating disorders and illness.
- Changes in what they wear. You may find that they wear less dresses or certain clothes or possibly they are wearing bigger clothes. This is most likely a sign from the controlling side of an abuser. They may be wearing bigger clothes such as big loose hoodies to cover up bruises.
Signs of domestic abuse as a victim
Not all domestic abuse is violent. It can be emotional and that can be mentally affecting in the long run. This makes it important to know the signs your partner may be domestically abusing you.
Does your partner do any of these things?
- Belittle you, or put you down?
- Blame you for their actions?
- Deny the abuse if you mention it or downplay it?
- Stop you from going out? (this can even be from going to work or seeing friends and family)
- Make demands for your attention?
- Accuse you of flirting or having affairs?
- Tell you what to wear, what to eat, who you can and can’t see, where you can and can’t go, what to think?
- Control your money and not allow you to buy things for yourself?
- Constantly wanting to know where you are, what you’re doing?
- Always watching your social media or even using a GPS to locate you at all times?
- Threaten to hurt/kill you or your family?
- Destroy things that belong to you?
- Harass you or follow you everywhere?
- Threaten to commit suicide or to harm the children?
Besides all that there are also physical signs of abuse. Things such as: slapping, punching, kicking, Pushing, shoving, Throwing things either at you or near you, choking, burning and biting. Any physical harm is physical abuse.
How can you help someone in a violent relationship
Once you’ve noticed the signs it’s fine to be worried. First talking to the victim could help you to know whether or not they are in an abusive relationship. However, some may be in denial or deny it out of fear. Helping the victim may be hard but there are ways you can help them:
- Listen to them if they need to talk. Never blame them for the situation and acknowledge them for finding the strength to tell you if they do.
- Give them time, they might be too scared or nervous to talk right away. Assure them that you’re there for them and with time they might find the strength to talk to you.
- Tell them that no one deserves to be in these situations and that you will help them.
- Ask them if they’ve been harmed physically and offer to go with them to a hospital or GP.
- Help them to report the situation to the police but don’t force them or lecture them to do so.
- Be ready to provide information about organisations that offer help to victims of domestic abuse.
The effects of domestic abuse
After leaving an abusive relationship, it can leave the victim with long term effects. It may take a long time to feel the relief after finally escaping the abusive relationship but it may also affect your mental health as well. It’s important to get the support from organisations such as womensaid, men’s advice line etc. and seek support from close friends and family.
Some of these effects include:
- Depression. It’s common after someone has been impacted by domestic abuse, it may affect you or your children.
- Anxiety disorder. Due to the fear that you have faced, anxiety disorder is generally common for victims. You may experience PTSD or panic disorder because you might see yourself reliving the moments and this can be scary but you’re not alone. You can get support..
- Fearful of new relationships. Being fearful to start a new relationship is fine. You may be scared that the past can happen again. If you are planning to start a new relationship it’s important to talk to the other person, they can support you and have an understanding.
- Feeling incapable or alone. You may feel alone or incapable but you may feel like this because you may think you pushed people away. It can be like this especially if your ex partner forced you to stay away. Talk to the people you care about and they will be understanding and will be there to support you.
- Low self esteem. You may have low confidence and self esteem but with time you will recover.
Self care
It’s important to take the time to finally feel the relief. You are now safe and able to enjoy your life but of course it will take a while to fully recover. Spend time with your family or alone. Speak to your gp or a therapist. It’s all up to you. however, here are a list of things you can do to help yourself through the recovery:
- Meditation
- Exercise
- Spend time with family and friends
- See GP to be referred to therapies or find therapies yourself
- Try to find a normal routine that doesn’t overwhelm you
Support
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ – for women
https://www.refuge.org.uk/
https://mensadviceline.org.uk/ – for men
https://galop.org.uk/domesticabuse/ – for LGBT+