When a loved one is diagnosed with dementia it can be an extremely difficult time, both mentally and physically. Dementia is an illness that causes the function of the brain to decline. There are different types of dementia, the most common ones are Alzheimer’s disease, vascular dementia and Lewy bodie. Support is available both for the patient and their loved ones.
What emotions should I expect?
You may feel an overwhelming sadness and worry when your loved one gets diagnosed with dementia. It is only natural to feel this way and help is available to you. As your reality turns into caring for your elderly loved one you to take on a lot more responsibility to care for this person, sometimes even sacrifices. Making sure they are safe in their environment and they are receiving personal care turn into the main focus of your daily life.
Sadness can sink in and linger throughout the time your loved one is suffering with dementia. As your loved one changes and you feel as though they are no longer the person they were before while you watch them deteriorate. If you haven’t struggled with this beforehand you can begin to feel sad when your loved one forgets who you are and heads towards the end of their life. This can feel like a ton of bricks has hit your chest emotionally. If you are struggling help is available by trained people who can assist you.
You can also start to notice a shorter temper at times. This can happen for many different reasons. Feeling as though you cannot cope with all the responsibility you have to take on is the first reason your temper can shorten. You can also feel angry they are changing as a person and because you are not used to seeing this. Another reason you can begin to feel angry is because they are turning forgetful. They begin to forget important things like eating and ways to keep safe. Its normal to feel angry as you watch the person you know slip away but remember not to take your anger out on your loved one because it is not their fault, they are becoming forgetful.
What should I expect?
If you have seen or heard about someone you know struggling with dementia you may not know what to expect. It can come as a harsh reality when you have to deal with it as the time comes.
When your loved one brain starts to deteriorate you may notice they forget to do things like pay bills, forget when the local shops close and cannot remember how to cook foods they used to cook regularly. As time goes on and the dementia starts to progress your loved one can forget important things. Eating dinner, take medication and forget important faces of family are a few things they forget. Soon your new reality hits, you may become scared for the future or scared to leave them alone.
Drastic life changes may happen in this time as you want to give them the best care possible. You may move in with your loved one or move your loved one into your home and start planning their end-of-life care. Before the dementia has progressed to a high level it may be wise to ask your loved one if they have made plans for a funeral or will. While your loved one is still able to think independently it can be beneficial to book in for these services. Financial worries can start to overpower you or others around you and can cause unnecessary stresses. A responsible adult should get power of attorney to assist your loved one with their finances.
Ways to notice if you are struggling.
It can be normal to feel as though you are struggling especially if your loved one is very close to you. The pressure of looking after your sick loved one can be very overbearing. An overwhelming sadness can occur when you see things are progressing and you cannot stop or slow it down. When your loved one is losing their independence, you may find that you are struggling, you feel as though you are unable to cope. If you find yourself thinking or even saying “I have to do this” “I have no choice” you may be struggling but don’t want to seek help as you feel you need do this on your own.
Another way to notice if you are struggling is sitting and expecting the worst at all times. Even though everything seems to be ok your waiting on edge for the worst to happen. Dementia UK is a service that can help you or any loved one that is suffering the diagnosis of dementia. If you feel you need more support than this going to your local GP may be advised.
How does dementia affect me and my loved ones?
The people around you can also be affected by dementia. Your loved ones can see the impact it has on you and can start to impact them. Arguments between family members can arise as the pressure can become too much to bare. It can put a strain on relationships. Younger children can feel left out as you look after your loved one with dementia and they can feel as though they are being pushed out due to little understanding.
When loved ones don’t know what to say to you in this difficult time you may feel you are alone. This can make you struggle emotionally as you have no support. If you decide to look after your loved one in the family home, towards the end you can start to lack sleep. You may have to deal with violet outbursts and other family members may find this difficult to see. Always remember this is not directed at you, your suffering loved one may be confused.
Having extra support.
Sometimes your loved ones may see your struggle and suggest getting in professionals to help support both of you. You may take this as they are saying you are unfit to look after your loved one but sometimes others can see things you cannot. Getting in extra support can be beneficial for everyone involved. You may feel as though you are pushing your ill loved one into someone else’s care when they need you most. This is not the case.
You can feel pressured into letting someone else look after your loved one. Its always best to look at the bigger picture and think about what your loved one needs are met. Having the extra support can mean that your own life can begin to resume. You may have stopped working, not had a social life since your loved ones diagnosis and not formed different relationships. With extra support caring for your loved one you can start to do these things again and know they are in the best care.
Tips for keeping your loved one safe and happy.
When a person is suffering with dementia, they begin to forget everything they once knew. It can feel as though they are turning into a baby again. Here are a few tips to help keep them as independent as possible and safe in their home.
- Take extra precautions in the house. Covering plug sockets and listening to what your loved one wants can help keep them be less confused. Many people who live with partners begin to sleep separately as they begin to forget who they are.
- Keeping to a routine. A simple routine will help your loved one know what part of the day it is and what comes next. Keeping mealtimes to the same time daily, washing them and getting them ready for bed helps them with what comes next and keep a calm state of mind.
- Making meals with nutritional value and keeping your loved one active. Healthy meals can help keep the brain focused and keep your loved one as healthy as possible. There are loads of different recipes for healthy meals online. Keeping your loved one active you and healthy you are keeping other parts of their body working to its best abilities.
- Keeping well-loved objects around the house. Your loved one may not remember faces or names but may still remember the things they enjoy. Keeping these things visible can help promote their memory and gives them a sense of purpose.
- Keep household objects locked away. You should lock away cleaning products and medicine. this will keep your loved one safe
- Install bath seats and stair chairs. The installation of bath seats and stair chairs can prevent serious injuries. Your loved one will begin to become unsteady on their feet.
- Buying loose fitted clothing. Loose fitted bottoms and tops are both comfortable and easy to put on. Your loved one can keep some of their independence when prompted to dress themselves.
- Remember to try not to say, “don’t you remember”. This seems like a harmless question but to someone with dementia it can cause a lot of destress. If a situation arises where they don’t remember try to change that it or keep them as calm as possible until it changes. This saves a lot of destress.
Remember help is always available both on dementia UK and by contacting your local GP.
